I have really been struggling lately with the terrible twos. How can I have such a sweet little boy, who in a few days turns into a terror, with his new favorite words "mine" and "no!" He now loves to hit and kick Spencer, Won't take naps any more, doesn't sleep in his own bed past midnight. I knew this time would come but I had no idea it could be this hard. I used to be a pretty patient person, several years ago, and was still doing ok until these past few weeks. I knew that having another child would be hard, but then I didn't. HELP!! I am going crazy. Please if you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. They also sleep in the same room, and advice there?
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13 years ago
7 comments:
Jess, It sounds like you need a mommy friend! ha ha I am sure glad you are going through this first because then you can just get all the magic secrets to pass on to me as soon as mine starts this! (Yes, 'mine') Doesn't that just make you feel so much better? Really, though, I think we should do a play date!
I wish I had good advice to give! I have had the same problems with Hal. I am constantly putting Hal in timeout for being mean to Addie! The only difference on the sleeping arrangements are that I go and lay by Hal at 4 in the morning until she goes back to sleep. All my husbands family says that it is a phase and it will pass! WHEN!? Good luck!
Speaking from someone who's child began the terrible twos at 15 months, I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I can't even tell you how many family functions, church meetings, etc. that I have left in tears because of how frustrated I've been with Hollie. No joke. It's just now starting to get better. But it's taken a very long time & a lot of hard work to make things better. I know Hollie & Kelden are totally different kids. So, what works for her, may not work for him. And I'm by no means an expert on parenting. I've just had to do a lot of trial & error. After mostly error, we've been able to find a few things that work. I don't know if any of them will help you, but I thought I'd share, just in case. :O)
First, I had to find a good mental & emotional spot for myself. I had to really come to grips with the fact that this behavior is normal. My kid is not the only kid who acts like a demon sometimes. You may not struggle with this, but I sure did.
Second, when Hollie's behavior is worst, it's always because of some need that she can't communicate. Whether she's tired, hungry, or just needs more affection, there's usually always a need there. Toddlers aren't just mean to be mean (most of the time :O).
Third, timeout is really my best friend. Hollie first started hitting about 2 months ago. She would seriously hit me 100 times a day. So, I started putting her in timeout every time she hit. Every. Single. Time. I seriously felt like that's all I did during the day. We chose to do time out in her crib because she can't get out. So, I would put her in there, tell her she is in time out for 2 minutes, and close the door behind me. She always cries, but that's a good thing. Timeout isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to remove them from the situation, help them recognize their inappropriate behavior & calm themselves down. Then, after the 2 minutes were up, we always talk about what she did before I pull her out. I remind her that hitting (or screaming or whatever) is a no-no & make her say no-no. If she hit, I always make her say sorry before she can get out. Anyway, it took about a month of going through all that every time she hit to make things better. She still hits (like every 2 year old), but it's a 100 times better than it was before.
Last, I think I've told you that Hollie sleeps 12-13 hours a night in her bed & takes at least a 2-3 hour nap every day. However, about 6 months ago, Hollie spent every single night in bed with us & only took a 1 hour nap about every few days. I knew that wasn't healthy for her, but didn't know how to fix it. I had always read how important it was to be consistent with naptime & bedtime, but couldn't see how that would make a difference. Thankfully, I finally decided that it was worth a shot. So, we decided what times we would put her down, and tried to stick with it, no matter what. At first, she cried for about 45 minutes every time we layed her down. It was so hard. We felt like the meanest parents & almost gave up. She would finally fall asleep, though, so we kept at it. Then, if she woke up in the middle of the night, we change her bum, give her a sippy, make sure all of her needs are met, then put her back in bed. And at first, she cried then, too. But now, 6 months later, Hollie is in bed asleep by 8pm. She rarely makes a peep when we put her down & if she does fuss, it's only for a minute or 2. She only wakes up during the night about once or twice a week & always goes back to sleep in her own bed. The trick for her was that we couldn't go back in there when she cried. We know she was crying just so we would come pick her back up. For her, she had to know that there was no hope for rescue before she would fall asleep. Again, not easy. It almost broke our hearts. But we had to get her on a good schedule & start teaching her how to sooth herself.
Anyway, I'm sorry that was so stinking long! But I hope it helps a little. Just keep at it. You're doing a good job. :O)
P.S. I can only imagine how much harder it is with 2! There are days I don't even think I can handle my 1! :O)
Mothering is definitely the hardest and most trying thing I have ever done...it is the most rewarding as well. Everyone has parenting struggles, I have had a lot of them and know there are tons yet to come. Every child is different as is each parent as well, so take any advice for what it is worth and use only what works for you and your family.
First thought, make a list of what things are causing you the most frustration. Then evaluate them one at a time (I usually see some connections between them) then pick ONE to start on. You can’t fix everything at once. Cut yourself and Kelden a little slack and realize you are both doing what you know best to do right now and that change takes time. Also never forget it is a phase and it will NOT always be this way.
When you choose what to work on be VERY consistent with it. Two year olds are testing boundaries and NEED consistency. They also are reaching the point that they need freedom and empowerment. They are realizing they need independence. Give a choice only when it is best for them and you, pick carefully what things are a choice verses what things aren't. They do need more choices and freedom just be selective.
Routine and schedule with sleep make or break our family. Our life and home run a thousand times better when bedtime and naps are consistent. The more sleep a child gets the better they sleep, if they are overtired they don’t sleep as well (seems a bit backwards but I promise it is true). I wish I had been more consistent with my kids sleep earlier on, or when I just had Jackson. It gets harder the older they get to try to train their sleep habits, the sooner you can the better. I felt as well that my trait of patience has diminished in the past few years but also see the correlation to that and my amount of sleep. My patience is double when I am getting sleep and taking care of MY needs as a mother and person. With the sharing room thing…that is really tough. I finally sat down and wrote a list of the things I needed to make our home work for me and the rest of the family. With small spaces especially you have to really decide what you really need to make it functional. I have gotten rid of A LOT of furniture and things since we moved here. You have to make your rooms functional for the most important needs of your family. I have spent a lot of time in small living spaces and have found a few tricks that work for me if you want I will give you more info. Sorry about the LONG comment maybe I will just call too. Good luck You are doing a great job…hang in there.
Jessica, you are the best mom! The fact that you're frustrated just shows how much you care! I know you love your boys and I know how frustrating it is to adjust to the second child. When Marley was 2 weeks old I put him in his swing and went to the bathroom. It suddenly got quiet and I wondered where Gracie had gone. I came into the living room and Gracie was in Marley's swing laying on top of him. I freaked out and screamed so loud at Gracie. I was terrified that Marley was seriously hurt, but he was fine. He took a big breath of air after I moved Gracie off of him and then he cried...alot! It was a beutiful cry and I realized that motherhood is the hardest and most wonderful calling! Try to be patient, use time out (in a chair with a belt to strap him in)and take time outs yourself. Try to laugh and realize that babies are very resilient. Spencer will be fine and have no recolection of being hit. Instead of paying attention to Keldon, comfort Spencer and see if he's using it for attention. If you're really stressed,take a time out and call another mom! I'll be happy to chat! I totally understand. Realize that it will get better! Yeah!! Keldon will learn and Spencer will start growing up and not be so helpless. You are wonderful! Try not to stress. Let your tears flow and you'll feel better after. Love you! Anita
Jessica,
it is great to have awesome friends with such good advice...I enjoyed reading the posts above about this. It also made me glad I am finished with that part of the learning curve! Knock on wood...
Hey - we are coming to UT end of July, will you take my kids pictures???
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